We all have been broken at some point in our lives- right? We all have loved and lost, experienced pain, hurt, deceit.
The next question that we have - is how do we live BEYOND THE BROKENNESS?
It took me a long time to understand and acknowledge- and when I say long time - I mean - JUST A FEW DAYS AGO.. ACCEPTING THIS.. My past does not define me and I am worthy and deserve the greatness that the world has to offer.
For years I can say I have worked on myself, my self-esteem, confidence, self talk, everything and every aspect of life- I took time to study and work on me- improve on myself-so that I could be the best version of myself!
How many of us have done that?
Well, it was until recently in my private life that I had to confront something- that I THOUGHT I had addressed. Happiness and love! If you've been in abused relationship- you often -in the back of your mind- hold on to the words that the abuser said. I had replaced all the self talk- EXCEPT for one area of my life- my relationships! Who was I to deserve someone to care about me, love me and accept me still not completely whole?
After some soul searching I ended back at my favorite scripture Isaiah 54- and I had written my name in there.
Jojo- you were a wife of your youth- but now your foundations are made of sapphires, take the sides of your tent (your house) so that I can enlarge it. The Lord is your Redeemer, your husband, and that He has an everlasting kindness and mercy on me! Jojo you will be established in righteousness and far from oppression and you WILL NOT FEAR and terror will not come near you. Jojo this is your heritage- of those who serve the Lord.
Wow- so I can still be broken- and be whole. I can still be working on myself and accept love. What an amazing thing!
We may have been broken -BUT WE ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL..
BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF YOUR BEAUTY!!
I Love to ride with the car windows down!!!
Why is this so important to me? When I was with my abuser, he was a smoker and rarely let the windows down. I remember riding in the car wishing I could roll the windows down and stick my face out the window and just smell the fresh hair.
I would look at people in other cars- with their hands hanging out the window, the wind freely blowing through their hands and their fingers... they all seemed to be smiling. I was so jealous! I wanted the wind in my fingers- in my hair!!!
On the second day that I left my abuser- I remember rolling my window down- just a little at first- and then the longer I drove -the further down I rolled my window down.
I can't tell you how wonderful -amazing- it felt to feel the warm air on my face- for it to take my breath away-to feel it tingling on my scalp.. and moving my hair any way that it pleases and then the giggles started.
Before I knew it I was laughing full blown- with my hand out the window- hair in the wind- laughing as hard as I could go- and then crying. Crying because the freedom just to roll down the window was MINE no one could take that away from me!
It is often the simple things that an abuser, or just live can take away from you- and you have no idea that its missing!
Pay attention -to what is missing from your life... go back to the simple things!
I encourage you to ride with your car windows down today- let the air- caress your face- let the air- move your hair- wiggle your fingers in the wind- laugh or cry...
YOU ARE FREE... start building YOUR FOUNDATION FOR FREEDOM !!
BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF YOU
Alright, so as single women most people seem to think a couple of things about us and the reason we are SINGLE- we are either mean or something is wrong or it is entirely our fault, and if only we would "lighten" up and live a little!! Well ---- NO!!!
I am worth so much more- than settling for what is good right now!! I know things are hard and companionship is a great thing- it would be nice to have an adult to talk to instead of a child- who wouldn’t want that! We all want that but at what cost? So you will find I am full of stories!!! :)
So I was going through something (I will share that story later) and I was having the BIGGEST Pity party I could have!! I was having self-esteem issues like you wouldn’t believe. I had a natural hair style, I was miserable at my job, my kids where losing their mind, and- and -I did not feel very feminine. I was praying and praying- Jesus- sends me a sign and answer, something -can you just help a sista out??? !!!!
Never thought to read the Bible!
One day while going to my favorite scripture I opened to another chapter instead. Isaiah 54 and my eyes landed on verse 5:
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall He be called.
And so the verses continues that for small time He hid himself from me but He forgave me and that my foundations are made with sapphires. I shall be removed from oppression, and not fear anything- and this was my heritage as a servant of the Lord! After reading this I said well Lord- why didn't you tell me all of this before!!! Lol- here I am for entire 2 weeks about to die looking for an answer!
My self-esteem had taken a serious hit! Combine that with a previous history of domestic violence- and all the negative thinking came right back and was running rampant!!! I just knew I was not worthy of.... anything... let along self-love, self-esteem and confidence!
As a single mother we often worry about everything in the world, from bills, to grocery, to kids, to the ultimate -am I raising my children right? Well sistas, there is someone who definitely wants us! That was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Self talk can often lead us down a destructive path -that happens so fast we never know when it started!
We have to be able to carry our children, our households, our extended families, our jobs and not to mention if we want to have a life of our own!! We are charged with an awesome responsibility - that is often taken for granted! We focus so much on others, that we leave "us" out and after a while it takes it toll!!
So on those days when we want to have a pity party, and we feel unworthy -just read the scripture (Isaiah 54:5-17) and know somebody loves you!!
So there is a little mantra that I say-
I FEEL GOOD, I LOOK GOOD, I AM GOOD...
and with that I walk out the door with my head in the sky!!
Hey guys!! I am J’Anmetra Waddell and I am survivor of Domestic Violence