I wanted someone to come safe me ..desperately ..I needed someone to tell me what to do..say..feel...I didn't trust myself to do it.
That's when it hit me...NOBODY is going to save me... I have to do this myself ! As a victim I am certain that we have gotten so use to someone telling us what to do that we are afraid to really think on our own..because hey.... our abuser could be right??
We could be the worst parent, we could be a horrible person, or maybe JUST MAYBE YOU COULD BE OK
MAYBE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AT ALL
It was a journey and sometimes -well the majority of the time- I was sure I was making the wrong decision. However, everything worked itself out. I survived, my children lived, and all was ok with the world- at least for that day.. lol.
You have Trust yourself...you can do this !!
BE FEARLESS IN YOUR PURSUIT OF SAVING YOURSELF
This picture made me cry.. more importantly it painted a picture of what was going in my head. You have to control your thoughts! When your thoughts are swirling around in your head and nothing seems to be coming together. .. You have to make time to control your mind.
It may mean that you take a deep breath, find a quite place, be still. Do something other than KEEP GOING....
If you keep going- your thoughts will NOT slow down!! They will take over you - and you need to be in control of them.
Once you take control of your thoughts- you will know the next thing that you need to do.
BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF CONTROLLING YOUR THOUGHTS
I use to HATE LOOKING IN THE MIRROR- AFTER I left my abuser !!
I just refused- not even when I brushed my teeth.. or combined my hair..it was just too much.. Every time that I looked in the mirror I only saw what my abuser said... your ugly, your fat, your stupid, you will never be anything.
Then one day- I DARED myself to look in the mirror- and that is when I saw the little girl- the person I use to be...
It only takes- believing in yourself for 1 second...and you will be amazed at how you feel...
Keep looking your in there... I promise...
BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF FINDING OF YOURSELF ...
As a victim of domestic violence my faith was non-existent ... I had NONE.. there was nothing for me to grasp..nothing for me to understand. My entire thought process, my entire being was centered around my abuser- abuse was my life!!
One day, a thought crossed my mind- what if I AM NOT WHAT HE SAYS.. what if I am smart? I am a good mother? I am a good person? I was terrified of that thought.. but then it came again..and I allowed myself to think about it for more and more... just ONE THOUGHT is all that you need to GROW !!
When you begin to understand who you are and your seed begins to GROW...it becomes the strongest tree there is...light shines through you...your roots are deep and your foundation is strong...it's ok for you to start small....trust the process. .your faith will GROW..
PLEASE understand the process of growing your seed is NOT EASY.. there will be days when you wonder what are you doing- days that life is just too difficult to understand, comprehend, or handle.. on those days you have TRUST the PROCESS OF YOUR FAITH...
Faith the size of a muster seed ... the smallest seed.. becomes the biggest..strongest... tree... continue..
BE FEARLESS IN YOUR FAITH PROCESS
Hey guys!! I am J’Anmetra Waddell and I am survivor of Domestic Violence